Geez…it sounds so methodical and lifeless…”plodding on through.” On any given day this is my outlook on seminary. On the other (non-given?) days my perspective is more along the lines of excited fervor or ignited passion. Oh how I swing like a pendulum!
I feel the strain, the tension of two passions with equal ardour: intellectual pursuit and ministry entanglement. The pull is fierce, consuming minutes and energy, leaving me comatose. If asked, I would strenuously deny the exclusivity of these passions, but in practice (my own limited experience), they are just as described.
What shall I do, then? Plunge myself into feeding my gray goo leaving ministry by the wayside (only for a short time…I promise!)? I fear I would return only to find ministry dead, icy cold. Okay, then I should entangle myself in the mess of ministry. Would this not rebel against the very place God has brought me, the journey He has led me on? Yes, yes.
So I am back to my starting block. Can I hold them, one in each hand, bending towards training and increasing knowledge, leaning towards ministry as they both tug and pull? That is how it must be! Alas, I feel the wind of life driving the passion of gray goo as my sails of intellectualism billow. Ministry energy and passion fades, there is simply nothing left to give. Oh! Opportunity to minister! Run along, be involved…wait! There is a test…a paper…!
What to do?!?
I stare down the road of another semester…class exams & papers & assignments dotting the edge like mile markers…and I anticipate my roles in my local church, excited at the growth pains being endured…and I pray for GRACE and MERCY to my Father, through the Son, and by the Holy Spirit.
